“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
— Isaiah 43:18–19 (NIV)
Have you ever made the decision to leave a situation, only to find yourself in almost the exact same situation, just with a different set of characters?
It's like jumping out of one fire and straight into another.
I've done this more times than I'd like to admit. And lately, I've started recognizing a pattern.
I never gave myself enough time to process what happened, learn from it, or even figure out what I really wanted before jumping into the next opportunity.
Why? Because of the what ifs.
What if I can't find another job? What if I can't find another friend? What if I never find another relationship? What if this is the best there is?
What if, what if, what if.
And then there are the well-meaning friends and family members who know you've just taken a leap. They're worried about you, so naturally, they want to help.
"I saw this job you might like."
"I have a friend you should meet."
"Have you thought about doing this?"
And while their intentions are good, I've realized something.
We seem to be uncomfortable with the idea of simply taking a moment to heal.
It's as though every empty space in our lives needs to be filled immediately. We feel this urgency to figure everything out, to have a plan, to reassure ourselves and everyone around us that everything is going to be okay.
But what if there's a purpose in the waiting?
Now, I'm not suggesting we spend our days lying in bed doing nothing. And I'm certainly not suggesting we sit around replaying everything that went wrong, allowing anger and resentment to consume us.
I'm talking about taking the time to learn.
Looking honestly at what happened, recognizing the patterns, understanding our own part in them, and deciding what we will and will not tolerate moving forward.
It happened. We can't change it.
But we can learn from it.
And then?
SHUT THAT CHAPTER.
Not because it didn't matter, but because it doesn't get to determine the rest of our story.
For me, I took that first step because I knew I wanted something more out of life. I didn't want to simply exist, going through the motions and doing what was expected of me.
I want to live with purpose.
And here's something I've been thinking about lately.
Had the situation I left been good, or even just bearable, I probably would have stayed.
I would have continued doing what I'd always done, convincing myself that this was just how life was supposed to be.
Sometimes I wonder if the very situations we wish hadn't happened are the ones that finally push us toward something better.
Shortly before I took that first step, I was reading Proverbs when a verse caught my attention. I had probably read it before, but for some reason, this time it stopped me.
“...fools are destroyed by their own complacency.” — Proverbs 1:32 (NIV)
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
How often do we stay where we are simply because it's familiar?
We keep doing the same kind of work because it's what we've always done. We surround ourselves with the same kinds of people because it's what we know. We make the same decisions because, even when we're unhappy, there's comfort in knowing what to expect.
And sometimes the people around us encourage us to stay in those familiar places.
Be realistic. Play it safe. Stick with what you know.
But what if what we've always known isn't where we're supposed to stay?
What if God is calling us to something different?
That's where I find myself today.
For the first time in a long time, I don't want to rush into the next thing simply because it's available or because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't.
I want to be intentional about what comes next.
I'm reading books, listening to podcasts, and learning from people who have stepped outside their comfort zones and made meaningful changes in their lives.
I'm currently reading The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington. It's challenging me to think differently about setting goals and actually following through on them.
And most importantly, I'm continuing to spend time in God's Word, seeking His direction.
Because as much as I want to make plans and move forward, I don't want to get so busy figuring everything out myself that I forget to listen for what He has planned.
I don't have all the answers. I still have moments when those what ifs creep back in.
But I'm learning that I don't have to figure out the entire future today.
I can use this time to grow, to challenge the way I've always thought, and to discover what living with purpose actually looks like for me.
Maybe that's where real change begins.
Not when we leave the job, the relationship, or the situation that made us unhappy.
But when we take what we've learned and choose to do something different with it.
I keep coming back to Paul's words in Philippians:
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 3:12–14 (NIV)
That's what I want for this next chapter.
To learn from what was, without living there.
To stop allowing fear to make my decisions.
To trust that God is doing something new, even when I can't see exactly what it looks like yet.
Because I didn't take that first step just to end up right back where I started.
I took it because I believe there's more.
And this time, I want the change to be real.
I'd love to hear from you.
Have you ever found yourself repeating the same patterns in different situations? What helped you finally break the cycle?
Are there books, podcasts, or habits that helped you make lasting changes in your life?
I'm building my own reading and listening list, and I'd love your recommendations.
Life After Should — Learning to live with purpose, not expectation.